My ABCs: L is for... Love

by - Monday, May 19, 2014

My 3 Loves

My 3 loves in my life... the old boy, the small boy and the baby boy.

I do not usually talk about my hubby on the blog. Most of the time it is about the 2 small boys and how much I love them, how much they love us and how much they love each other. Today, I want to write about the love between my hubby and myself.

Very often, we heard people saying that the love between a couple will change after having kids, usually in an unfavourable way. I have to admit that the relationship between hubby and myself did changed over the years, especially after having kids.

In the past, we celebrated our anniversary year after year. We went for late dinners or late movies. We always held each other's hands and hold on to each other's waist. Now, with kids, we don't do this anymore. Instead, we now hold the hands of our boys or carry them in our arms. Anniversaries are celebrated together with the kids, with Big J thinking that it is his birthday... again!

We no longer go for romantic candle light dinner because the boys would be two super big light bulbs. More often than not, they will be so noisy and make us angry that we can't wait to finish the meal quickly and get out of the restaurant as fast as possible. Also, our eyes would be looking on the boys instead of looking at each other with affection.

Before kids, we were able to cook together. Me cooking and him helping. We can take our own sweet time and slowly enjoy our meal and have a nice conversation. Now, I'll be sweating out in the kitchen while he is sweating out in the living room looking after the kids. Then, we need to finish our meals quickly and we usually do not sit down throughout the whole dinner, because either one of us would need to attend to the kids.

We used to have a common hobby - gaming. We fought monsters through the night, we went on quests together and went out for guild gatherings. Now, I have given up this luxury. Hubby still games occasionally and this is often the topic of our quarrels. I would nag at him for wasting time on games and that he should be playing with the boys instead.

We also talk to each other less often. If we do talk, the conversation is usually about the boys. Usually we would be too busy handling the kids to even have the chance to talk to each other.

And...we are not even sleeping together. There was a period when the four of us keep getting sick one after another. The cycle keeps on repeating that we have no choice but to separate the boys. So I sleep with Big J and he sleeps with Small J in another room. I miss sleeping together. We hope to get back our bed soon. But that will be until the boys learn to sleep independently.

Yes, our couple life has changed so much. From the above, it might seems that our relationship is not healthy but that is not true. Our love for each other is now on a deeper level. It is no longer just a simple hug or kiss but more of helping and supporting each other and doing our best for our family. Our love for each other has multiplied and shared with our kids. We are looking forward to the day when the boys are older and more independent so that we can hold each other's hands again.

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